Why write something mediocre about yourself when your friends and family can so easily boil you down to the essentials. I had a roast for my birthday a couple years ago and it was funny as hell so here’s some unfiltered views. Feel free to roast me up by adding your own and if it’s funny, I’ll add it below.

ROASTS

Ian is strong like ox, tall like giraff, dumb like mule. He keeps his hands in his pockets just so things don’t get weird at family events. He’s so blind his wife pees out of two holes. Ian is proof that not everything happens for a reason. But if there was a reason, in his case, it would be because the abortion clinic was closed. To his mother I ask, exactly how many times did you drop him on his head? Luckily his wife is attracted to homeless people. He’s the drooling bumb of his wife’s dreams. 😂😂😂😂😂

He’s so blind that he wanted to have a party where we would hold things up and he would tell us what they were. All the money he’s spent at 7-11 buying gallon jugs of Clos Du Buois…that’s the reason your going blind. 😂😂😂😂

Ian Hanna is an individual who doesn’t need friends in life, he just needs art. His art can be anything, cartoony, comic, realistic, funny, abstract, illusion and many more. He’s been making art for so much of his life, he is unable to sketch or draw “badly”. His favorite things include going into his studio to draw, turning on music and a movie he has seen more than 10 times at full volume. 

His style is not “emo”, it's just black, as in that is the only color he wears, not because he doesn't like colours, he doesn’t care what people think about how he looks. He moved around a lot at a younger age, so he needed something that didn’t leave him every 2 years, art. His paper, pen, and pencil he could take anywhere and get anywhere so that became his top hobby. He went from an 80’s nerd that got bullied for being tall and skinny to in the present day, looking like bigfoot. 😂😂😂

When he was first born, he came out kinda yellow, so they had to put him under one of those sun lamp things. I was wondering if maybe my wife was banging the Chinese laundry guy or something. 😂😂😂

Ian is what happens when an ’80s cartoon hero accidentally time-travels into the modern art world and decides to stay for the cabeza tacos. Equal parts ThunderCats battle cry and mall-rat philosopher, Ian approaches life like he’s got a neon windbreaker flapping dramatically in slow motion while a synth soundtrack plays in the background.

Raised somewhere between a sketchbook and whatever he was supposed to be paying attention to, Ian mastered the sacred arts of constant doodling and delivering one-liners with the timing of a Saturday morning sidekick. Legend says he once kickflipped over a stack of art magazines while debating whether He-Man would’ve worn oversized shoulder pads ironically.

His fashion sense? Imagine if a vintage arcade machine and a Paris runway show had a rebellious child. Neon splashes, unexpected textures, and the confidence of a kid who just landed his first ollie in front of his crush. He doesn’t just “get inspired” — he power-ups like he found a hidden bonus level.

When he’s not channeling main-character energy, Ian can be found sketching ideas like a misunderstood Ninja Turtle, critiquing aesthetics like a teen with a Walkman full of mixtapes, and reminding everyone that life is better when you treat it like an animated intro sequence — dramatic freeze frame, name in bold letters, guitar riff, fade to black.

In short: part art rebel, 100% Saturday-morning-legend. 😂😂😂